2011/12/25

How to lose your sweetheart


  Losing sweetheart is not a quite simple thing, I know, because I had the same trouble before. But after I accepted Dr. Loser Heart-attack’s guide, I lose my teddy bear successfully. Now I am going to introduce you the basic version of losing sweetheart. You can download the full version at www.itdoesntexist.com.
  
  There are some main steps to lose your sweetheart. Before you decide to lose your sweetheart, you have to know why you want to lose your sweetheart and if it is necessary to lose it. Does he steal your toothbrush to brush toilet every month? Does she order you to paint white roses red or to build by candy? You can read the table 3.2 to analyze if your sweetheart needs to be lost. If your sweetheart points are lower than 8 that mean you can close this document and continue your life. If not, congratulation, you can go the next step now.

  Now you know that you really have to or need to lose your sweetheart, it’s time to next step: get rid of that guy. It’s a bad idea to throw the body…oh I mean sweetheart into the river; it’s not good for natural. Throwing him in front of a fast-driving truck is a good way if there are not any monitors on the road near your home. In my option, I suggest you speckle lots of sugar on him and put him near ants’ nest. Remember, do all this job by yourself, unless you want to brave the risk of betrayal.

  After you have lost your sweetheart successfully, the final step is cleaning the evidence. You can bride the judge and police, I don’t suggest this way unless you are the oil king or the lottery winner. The best way is erasing memory, including yours. If you have a friend who works for U.S. government; try to borrow the memory erasing gun. You might say “But I don’t have friend who works at 51 area,” that’s OK, there is an easy way to remove memory, just push their head to the wall.

  We wish you have a nice losing experience. Oh, by the way, we won’t responsible for any law problem if you are arrested.

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